DO YOU EVER RUN AWAY FROM GOD?

I do.

There are times when I feel this intense intimacy with Him and want to dwell in His presence. And yet there are times when I find myself drifting away. Drifting into my busyness, drifting into keeping up with schedules and routine, drifting into ‘more important things’, drifting into ‘doing’ more. I can sense myself wandering, finding excuses, justifying myself. I feel a little lost, disconnected and restless. In the back of my mind, I also know the answer.

To pause, to breathe, to be quiet and soak in His presence. But I avoid it. I put it off. I resort to procrastination. I run! Why do I do it? I don’t know. And most times I make myself go through a guilt trip as if in some way punishing myself and then come back to Him sheepishly.

Last week I noticed I was in one of my ‘run away’ phases. I wanted to come back and I knew how to but I was just avoiding it and I was stuck at questioning why I do it repeatedly. Until, I remembered the Walk to Emmaus. The disciples were running away! Like me.

They knew the Lord, they witnessed His death and Resurrection and now they were drifting away without direction. Jesus met them on the way. He came to them when they were drifting. He did not expect them to come to him. He met them where they were. He did not rebuke them or shame them. He did not guilt trip them.

Here’s what I learnt:

He meets me where I am. He doesn’t wait for me, He comes to me, especially when I am drifting away. He looks at me with compassion and gentleness and loving perseverance.

I still don’t know why I run away sometimes. But I am consoled in knowing that He will come after me and find me where I am. And guilt-tripping myself is definitely not His way.